Lord give me strength!

This semester is really taking its toll on me, I haven't felt so stressed over exams before. I know it mostly self inflicted pressure, I've set very high standards for myself this year and I don't know if I can achieve my goals. I can't imagine how I would react if I couldn't reach my target, and that fear of failure is acting as a double edged sword; on one hand, it drives me towards excellence while at the same time putting an enormous burden on my shoulders. It doesn't help that there are things which are beyond my control (like uncooperative group members), and I hate not being in control of my own destiny. I guess this is one of my biggest flaws, one day it will lead to my demise, my inability to let go and have faith in the things that I can't see; namely God.

Theres only been a few instances in my life where I've completely let go and put my trust completely in his hands. In those instances, things couldn't have worked out better. It seems like I can only do that in times of extreme desperation, where I know theres absolutely nothing else I can do to better my situation. How much better would my life be if I could lead a life of desperation each and everyday!

Some people always ask for God to speak to them, sometimes I feel his voice is overpowering, and I'm trying to block it out all the time. His word is clear and audible, theres no doubt about it... problem is, without seeing the 'big' picture, how much do we trust that the directions given will ultimately benefit us?

We'll probably never know til that day comes where we meet him face to face, and on that day I'll realise what a jack-arse I was and how thankful I am to have been highly favoured, greatly blessed and deeply loved.