Disappointment...followed by divine peace

Got up, looked at the time... 3am.... got up again.... 4am... 5am.... 5:30; couldn't go back to sleep, the anxiety was getting to me. Exam results were out at 8am this morning, and all I could do was pray really hard and claim the blessings over my life.

When the time came, I clicked on "My Results"..... stared long and hard at what I saw, not sure whether I should be happy or sad. The subject I thought I would have done well in I didnt, and the one I though I screwed up, I aced. Overall, it wasn't the result I was looking for, a feeling of dejection came over me, I felt like a failure..... and at the same time I was angry, "its not fair, these grades don't reflect the number of hours I put in".

I thought my paper was perfect (close), obviously, the lecturer didn't feel the same way.

Spent the first half of the day lamenting my results, what coulad have been; could have, should have .... *blah*

But as the day drew on, a certian peace came over me, and I suddenly felt really blessed. I think it happened when I went for a swim, it was strange as I had never swam 1 km non-stop before, it was like somebody was doing the swimming for me. And it was in the pool, that I realised how much God has blessed me in recent times, how I had failed to realise what I had and grasp the opportunities around me. And despite this, he would always provide an alternative, as s friend recently said to me" Good things always happen to the undeserving" (or something along those lines lah).

I'm feeling much better bout the results now, in fact, they're pretty good (i keep telling myself)... considering there is a 50% failure rate, I'm happy, I'm truly blessed, highly favoured and deeply loved.

I'm looking forward to this weekend :)

Trepidation

It been really surreal the past 2 weeks, I've come to understand so much, thank God for his revelations. Its like I've been given a new lease on life, I have boundless amounts of energy and see things with far greater clarity.

The book that I blogged about, the Kite runner, one of the best books I've read recently (the rest being textbooks). Very well written, powerful and descriptive; yet straight to the point. None of that "Rushdie" flowery language stuff, this is a book anyone can read and will be hooked instantly. Its a real page-turner, I finished it in 2 days; I found myself reading it whenever I had a moment to spare.... I recommend it to anyone and everyone, it really broadened my knowledge on some Islamic cultures and the different social castes in Afganistan.

I'm currently reading the John Steinbeck classic "East of Eden". The first time I heard of this book was when it was reviewed in the Oprah book club. I'd love to watch the movie after I've read the book, apparently it was James Dean's last movie before he passed away.

Finally found a pair of jeans I'm happy with.... I really loved the Tsubis though, but I think paying that much is pretty ridiculous, especially since I "destroy" jeans really easily. And, Jules likes my new jeans...

I'm waiting for Leigh to come over later, then we're going to the gym together. I couldn't really sleep well last night, I've been thinking alot of my exam results. They're out tomorrow morning, 8am. I know I shouldn't be worried, but theres just this part of me that is so afraid of failure. I guess I set such high standards for myself,and after all the work I put in, I don't think I could handle it if I didnt meet my expectations.

I guess its gonna be a long night....